I feel somewhat organized about my thoughts today. Not permanently, obviously, but today, my thoughts are not fighting one another.
Clara had a good day, I know she felt it, too.
Haley seemed much better than she has lately, and she and Clara were talking and laughing, which is always good to see and hear.
Jack was splendid. I didn't really talk to him until 5 o'clock, just before we left, but he was off the walls as well.
It was just a good day, I guess.
Spent a good amount of time with Chris. I've been spending a lot of time with Chris lately, but today went overtime. We went to Wal-Mart and bought retractable lightsabers. We listened to Flight of the Concords on the way to and back. We talked about wizard rock in between. We freaking ran into Jocelyn and Spencer in the Star Wars toys aisle, and bought our lightsabers altogether. I love our nerdy talks. I love.....being myself. There's this whole side of me I didn't even realize I was repressing, and it feels great to let it out sometimes. You know, without feeling like a pretentious asshole. That's a big danger with nerd-talk. Sounding like a pretentious asshole. But Chris is so reasonable! And Jocelyn, too. Both of them are great to have around.
I worked with Shannon today. That was my "NHS tutoring"--a little vocal coaching, from about three-thirty to four-thirty/five o'clock-ish. She's letting loose, a little bit, and she and Marty said they could really hear the improvement when they listened to the recording. She's learning to be less tense, less mentally focused on the physicality of the words, and of the actual singing. She's learning that singing is not this concrete thing that must be put together piece by piece, consonant to consonant, technique, technique. Singing is music, and music is freer than that.
Sure, in a choir, we're taught to put the reigns on it, tell it to go where we want it to go. But it's a dual skill, to know where to turn it loose, cut the slack in the appropriate places. As a soloist, you need to give yourself more free range, and throw it out there, whatever you've got.
She's so uncertain and hesitant. But she's definitely learning, and I'm proud of her.
Afterwards, hanging out with Jack, and Chris, and Wesley, and suddenly the topic of Daniel comes up. And it's obvious he hasn't fully left. He's still with Jack, and me, who talk to him semi-regularly (no doubt him more than me). He's still with Chris and Wesley, for all the times they spent together doing projects, and/or in engineering, respectively. I miss him so much, more than I even imagined I would. I remember the last time we saw him, not feeling real, like that couldn't possibly be it. And now my heart is so set on him going to school in Florida, I can't help but imagine Jack and I will both be crushed if he doesn't make it. This is so much more than I bargained for.
I love hanging out with Chris and Jack together. They just warm my heart in an indescribable, unique way. For one, they've got this tangible connection...as if they're breathing at the same time. (That's a weird description, but that's what it feels like to be around them.) Two, I feel a connection to them. As far as boys go, they're two of my best friends. As incredibly cheesy as it is, when they're around, I just feel more......complete. Yeah, I said that. Don't judge me, today was amazing.
Although, it was a little off-setting, to hear Chris talk about his girlfriend today. And to see her picture in the newspaper he showed me. I mean, I know about her. I've met her, and as far as I can tell, she's sweet as pie. As far as I can tell, I like her. So it's not new to me. It's just that, we don't talk about her a lot. She hasn't come up, as much as she used to, anyway. It had gotten to the point where I wanted to ask about her, because I hadn't heard about her in so long.
So today when she was mentioned, several times, in different contexts...I don't know. It reminded me of something. When he talks about her, the way he talks about her, it's kind of like.......like he had been holding my heart in his hands for a little while, and it felt really nice, but he knew he had to put it back, so he did. He placed it back, in its little spot on this dusty little shelf, waiting for someone else to admire it, to come pick it up for keeps.
I appreciate Chris. And I'm pretty sure he appreciates me. And you know what? I really like our friendship. We're funny together. His company is enjoyable. I don't know if this sounds really stand-offish and impersonal. "Oh, I think his company is enjoyable." But it's kind of my way of saying...I like him so much, that I don't need much from him to make me happy. He's a respectable human being with so much to offer, and if you know me as well as I do, that goes a long way with me.
And to top it all off, this.
LOL, I'm okay with it too, dude.
(the one Like on that comment is him, too xDDDD HE'S OBVIOUSLY OKAY WITH IT)
I just typed up about half of this, then went back and added 50% more. I've said this before, but really. Sometimes I just feel like I'll never run out of words.
But, better to write them all out here than ramble to someone else directly. I talk way too much anyway.
I just have a lot of words, okay.
I need to do research for Music Appreciation. The working bibliography is due tomorrow, and I haven't started it. Eek.
I haven't done any homework today. It was just way too good to stress about. And I'm not gonna stress about this assignment. It's an in-progress, so I can do the bare minimum for tomorrow and fill it out in a week's time. No stress.
Goodnight, blog and potential blog reader(s). See you tomorrow, most likely.
With love.
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