My mouse isn't working for some reason

...I'm actually really surprised I made it this far. Like, I had to open firefox (because I'm only ever signed into this account on firefox, and it keeps my personal blog out of my Chrome history), open blogger, get to a new post, and type in my title and get to the text box, all without a mouse.

GO ME, I'm so fucking boss.

It's impressive because it wasn't hard. Usually it's really hard, but I've either gotten a lot better at it, or this is the first time I wasn't trying to do something absurd, like Spanish homework, which was easier with a mouse when you had to copy/paste accented letters because your laptop doesn't fucking do symbol shortcuts.

Anyway.

Today was surprisingly good, considering the past day and two nights.

I was sure it was going to be horrendously painful and excruciatingly long, like yesterday, so I let myself sleep in. Until 11. I usually wake up moderately early for weekends, on weekends. Like, it's not the 5-6 o'clock of the school day, but a lot of teenagers sleep in until noon, right? I'm usually up by 8, or earlier.

Damn, I forgot my mouse wasn't working. I tried to hover over a spot where I missed a comma, and realized I had to arrow on back. Dammit.

Anyway, so my mom gets home from her doctor's appointment around 11 and comes into my room, which is lit just the way I like it when I wanna fuck the world--that is, sunlight bleeding through the curtains to let me know the day is moving, but the curtains blocking it steadfastly in my refusal to face the day. And yeah, I was already awake, which is probably why my mom didn't yell at me when she came in. I had been awake since at least 10, just lying in bed, essentially brain dead.

She has me get up and eat something, which is fine by me because I'm starving. By then, though, it's close to lunch time because although she came in at 11, I didn't force myself to get up until 11:30ish. I had stuff to do anyway.

So I heat myself up a single-person lunch, this delicious chicken pot pie thing that I haven't had since middle school, it was grrrreeeaaat. And we put on old music, blasting Chicago and singing along all the words we knew from all the times we've heard it, and mumbling all the words we could never understand in all the times we've heard it.
I'm kind of proud of my familiarity with Chicago. I can sing almost every Fall Out Boy song because I looked up the lyrics. I can sing to a lot of the songs on my Best of Chicago album because I grew up with it. This is one of the few instances in which I can say I grew up with this music. Other instances are other popular 107.7 songs, and video game soundtracks.

I took my dog for a long walk, singing all the way. Practicing my popular music voice, singing songs by bands, a little punk rock, a little alternative. I'm getting tired of singing my solo and ensemble music. I mean, I love it, but it's so hard to practice, singing it over and over again. It's like I have less air every time. There is a such thing as over-rehearsing, and I do it. A lot.

I didn't start my homework until, like, 2ish. I wrote my paper for Music Appreciation. He wanted it to be 1.5-2 pages, and I cut mine down to 3. I don't really care that it's too long, it's the best I could do without cutting out information I actually thought was important, and anyway it's probably better and more informed than anyone else's paper, so there.

I hope that's all I had to do. I'd done my AP yesterday, and Othello the day before.

I actually had time to work calculus! I've been writing in my homework as every single lesson we've covered since 3.5, because I had a lot of trouble with implicit differentiation. So that's where I worked today--just on implicit differentiation.
And you know what?
It turns out
I still have a lot of trouble with differentiation.

And why the eff am I getting answers that are so close to being right, but everything is wrong?
Like, instead of finding y', I keep finding -y'. All the numbers are right, but all on the wrong side of the number line. What the heck am I doing wrong?! I don't understand at all.

I don't think I'll be able to make the meeting tomorrow, Rachel. I'm sorry.
I was going to, but I'd forgotten about it, and now look. It's 12:30 and I'm still awake.

I'm going to bed, but I don't think I should wake up earlier than I have to for school.
I've been really trying to do the minimum I need to do acceptably (by my standards). I don't want to excel anymore. I want to coast. No, I really just want to stop breaking down. I think this is what I need to do to survive.


......I talked to him today, and didn't feel weird about it. Really, nothing has to change. We're doing just fine.
...He's really a gentleman. I admit it, I'm jealous of his girlfriend. That she's found such a close-to-perfect guy, so young, too. She's outrageously lucky, and I wish them both the best.

I just want other people to be happy. It's what makes me happy, the most, in the end.

I need to keep reminding myself of my goal in life.



And with that, good night, all.

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P.S. No proof-reading, because I don't wanna go through the trouble without a damn mouse lol. Kbai