That people post I said I'd do

This was all written last night/in my last post, and I cut it out and pasted it here

Let's start with my boys.

• Pedro is a fun, talented, cool dude. As are them all.
• I'm so comfortable around Seth, and he's so nice to me. That's all I really have to say about him.
• But Jonah, he...is...amazing. He's hella cute, he's funny and easygoing, he's awfully polite...I'm always nervous talking to him about certain things, like asking if he'll back me up on a song or something, or if I have to confirm different acts with him (like the whole mess of the last cafe), and he's so cool with it. The entire time I was like "OMG sorry for bothering you, so sorry!!!" and the entire time, he was like, "You really don't have to be sorry, it's cool :)", and that makes all the world of difference to me. AND he accepts my affection! He's not weird about hugs, or my annoying...ness. And my expressions of love, which I have so much to give when it is attached to my respect.

Respect, to me, is everything, it is the thing. And when someone has it, love (adoration) comes with it.
People talk about people who throw the word love around like it's nothing. Or who are careless with love. I like to think I'm not one of those people, at least not fully. Because I really do have a lot of love, different kinds of love that I sort out and dote upon the people I know based on what they bring out in me. And when these people make me happy and want to be happy, make me want to live, and do well and be better.........well, I love them all that much.

• Which brings me to fuckin' Robbie Houston. He's a brilliant friend. I wouldn't even say we're that close; I rarely feel like I can honestly say that with any of these guys. But I can tell...he's a brilliant friend. He's totally grounded and realistic, but the difference with him is that his reality expands so much further than the average person. With him, "possibilities" mean so much more. They're not just maybes or ifs; they're solid, they're real, and there's a lot of them. He's passionate and smart, he knows what makes him happy and submerses himself in it, and he shares it with me, and the people around him.

Part of me hopes he goes really far in life, you know, does really well for himself, goes out and does big things.
But all of me really just hopes he is happy, that he continues to be happy, and chase his dreams, do and get what he wants, big things or small. Whatever makes him happy.

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Hey, so apparently a lot of relationships are "on the rocks" or whatever right now...? I don't know what to make of it. Part of me is being the optimistic pessimist, thinking, I know it's dark to think it's good that this is happening, but at the same time I have this deeply rooted mindset about this year being senior year, and that it's better it's happening now than later, you know?
And then part of me has been somewhat humanized without me realizing, over time. You know how I said I sadly and without provocation think it's funny when relationships don't work out?
Well, maybe that was just a mood I was in, because it's gone now. I mean, there's that pessimist, but there's a general respect about the whole idea of relationships.


Haha, you know I have respect for people who do things that I can't. BA DUM, TSHH.
Get it? Because, I cannot, relationship? Yeh, u kno.


The point of this tangent is that...it's alarming to me, and kind of sad. Probably not the same way it is to other people, more understanding people, normal people.........but at least the feeling is there. I'm trying to be better, more respectful, more understanding.


And I'm not trying to make a move on anybody. And yeah, it kind of does piss me off when Mr. Riddle or Wesley make remarks to me about Chris. I know, I know, it's really obvious that I adore him. And you know what, I do have a crush on him. But it's just a crush.
I think the surge of infatuation I've had for the past week was just an inflation of said crush due to his gentleman-liness, and the fact that he's taking me to the Zelda symphony (OMGGGGG).
Could I listen to his golden voice for the rest of my life? Sure. Doesn't mean I want to go after him.


Jack. And Erin.
...........ssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhhh. I don't know what to do with him.
His relationship stuff is only my business to the extent that he allows it. I'm just talking about him, right now. As one of my best friends, it's really hurting me to see him beating himself up like this. Again.
I might need to pay careful attention to him for a while.
And I do kind of care what Erin thinks of it. But that's not gonna stop me. I need to be there for Jack, as long as he needs me. If he doesn't, well, I'll back off.


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OKAY SO YEAH, I wrote this all yesterday, and I think I had more to add to it, but jfc why in the world would I even think that I'd be able to continue this after today????

Today deserves, like, 9000 posts all on its own, especially the last bits of it. (Especially considering that I was the last to go on.)

Will discuss more after dinner. It may take all night. I have a lot of feelings throwing themselves at each other and need to vent. And where better to, than my own blog? Eh?

asdfghjkl; ugh. I just don't know what to do with myself.