Channing Tatum (Step Up) married that one girl (Step Up)

I love it when canon romances carry over into reality. It makes everything so much easier on the brain.

I'm watching SNL. Kind of. I mean, I'm paying attention, mostly, even though I'm sitting on the side of the couch where I'm facing the same direction the TV is, so I have to crane around to see it. Lol.

Abel Crossley went from being "in a relationship" to "single."

My reaction was kind of a spit/laugh of disbelief. I'm really not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this. I think I'm really not supposed to feel anything at all. Something is seriously wrong with me.

Speaking of which, I need to stop getting upset over celebrity divorces and laughing at IRL break-ups. Again, something is wrong with me.

Number one reason for me not to get married: my absurd fear of divorce.

Number one reason to have a child/children: to be the best parent I could possibly be for a child. To make sure they are raised in a house of love, and wisdom, and make the world that much better.
Number one reason not to have a child/children: to end up being a terrible parent. To end up like my dad.

Today was, overall, a good day. For me, anyway. Not really as a whole.

Last night my dad went ballistic and threw shit because we cooked the salted pollock instead of the unsalted pollock. The bright side was he obviously lost and we didn't have to deal with him for the rest of the night. My mom and I ended up watching hours to TV together--shows we didn't even watch--just to chill out, until we fell asleep on the couch.

I didn't have to deal with my dad much of the morning, either, which was nice. I feel awful thinking stuff like that is nice. I feel awful remembering that when I was little I learned about divorce, and would fantasize what life would be like if mom and dad got a divorce. I thought it would be grand, that I could just live with my mom and not have to deal with my dad.

That's such a horrible thought. I have serious relationship issues, obviously.

Even so...this morning was nice. It was quiet. I cleaned up and got started on my chores without being nagged. After breakfast my mom and grandma went to pick up medicine from the pharmacy and I kept working. I cleaned and washed my car. I gave my dog a bath. I got stuff done, outside, without being yelled at by my dad. I got to go in and shower and eat dinner and chiilllll.

The not so good part was the tension in the house after my dad got home. At one point everyone was in the kitchen at once, and it was tense as crap. Everyone was talking quietly, treading lightly. I was just trying to act normal.

Whatever, it's over now. Mom and dad went to bed, I'm the only one left awake, to record my thoughts of the day.

I'm eating a box of snack raisins. Well, you know, the raisins in the box. Not the box itself.

What the fuck? I just checked Abel's FB, just to make sure.
His relationship was "FB Official" just yesterday.
AND on February 2nd, his girl wrote on his wall, "Poop."
HEY, on January 15th, I wrote on his wall, "POOP"
Surely it means nothing.
But at the same time, like...WHAT THE HELL.
They'd better really be broken up, or I'm gonna be disappointed.
I really was okay with it, but now that it might be over...you know. Hope, and shit.

There was a Captain Morgan commercial with "Ball and a Biscuit" on it. I enjoyed it.

I feel like there were other random thoughts to put here, but somehow this post became one about my family and relationship problems, and Abel.

I wish I could see him more often. When I'm with him, he essentially eliminates every other boy I even think about. Around here, I'm always looking around, wondering whys and hows. It's gotten to the point where I kind of want a boyfriend, because the only boys around here I'd even consider dating all have girlfriends. Or maybe it's because all my closest guy friends have girlfriends? Or maybe it's a combination because the only guys I'd date are some of my best friends.

Aaaand that particular list is cut short as I'm approaching the point where I'm not willing to date anyone around here before graduation. The exception would be Chris, who is very happy with his girlfriend, whom he's been dating for a pretty long time (I can't remember exactly how long). Or Abel, of course, but the graduation deadline doesn't apply for him because I'll be seeing him for the rest of my life. It's just that, as nice as I'm sure it would be to have a boyfriend, I don't want to start anything so late. We'll be gone in a few months, and I need to focus on the future. It really just doesn't seem plausible. Not worth it, even.

But, I mean, will it ever be? For me?

I need to erase everything I think I know about relationships, because at this rate with how I feel, I'll never have anything that lasts.

I need to pee, and I ran out of raisins. I should probably brush my teeth and go to bed.

I don't think of this as a negative post. I'm just being thoughtful.