this week was insane.

What even happened?

Monday was sick. Or, I was sick. Not sick like, wow dude that was sick. More like, sick like anemic and sad.

Tuesday was pre-MPA at Weeki Wachee. It went really well...for chorale and concert choir. Chamber choir made me want to throw someone's head through a wall.
Additionally, no solos for Mona. Well, that was a little unfair. But I'm obviously way too passive to do anything about it. I screwed up once in rehearsal, and it was taken away from me.
What-the-fuck-ever though, it wasn't even supposed to be my solo, and it isn't going to be. I may have known it better than the girl who is doing it at MPA--I probably still do--but I clearly didn't know it well enough when it mattered.

I was a little irked...okay, let's be real, I was totally irked on the bus ride up and home. Mostly because of Jack. It feels like we've been on and off this week, connection-wise. We've been disagreeing and either creating or becoming aware of friction, and then finding where we click, and then falling out again. I did feel a little betrayed on the bus when he joined in with the guys hating on my music. I thought Jack liked my music. In fact, I chose a CD with songs that I've shown him, songs that he said he really liked. Sure, we only got to one of them, and that was when Mr. Riddle shot it down. But why did he have to join in? I know, he was probably joking, or else he wouldn't have looked me in the eye and said it. He probably wouldn't have even said it at all. He's not like that. Right?
And then later when he sat next to Haley. And sang that song with her, the one he wanted to sing with me. This part, this isn't a big deal at all, but when you added it to what had happened earlier with the making fun of me part, and me being ridiculously mood-swingy and hormonal, it just sucked.

Actually, sometime in between him slandering my musical taste and leaving me completely...he held my hand again.
And now that I think about it, after we found out about the fancy new bus, I checked my phone and realized he had texted me about it. He had invited me to come be on the bus with him.
I guess these little things are things I ought to remember.

Anyway, on the ride back Tara and I got our minds off our boy problems by listening to explicit rap by a guy who likes Asian girls LOL.

Schoolwork has been shitty, especially doing all that work for the lab and pretty much none of it actually getting to Nick to put into our presentation, and by the time we did present I was way too out of it to remember most of what I did.
Wing'd, and not proud.

Thursday when Mrs. Clark came in. She broke us down. She had to, because we were missing so many things closer to the foundation than the details. To fix the bottom, you've gotta take down all the stuff on top.
At any rate, it gave us a good place to start for Dr. Larson the next morning. Oh my God, everyone loved Dr. Larson. I loved Dr. Larson. I'm a little jealous I won't be studying under him at Stetson, without the regret of not even applying to Stetson.
But he's such an energetic, exciting teacher with an excellent conveyance of ideas. Everyone was so receptive. It was brilliant.

Friday night was.............worth it.
That's all I can describe it as.
It was 50/50 excitement, pride to be there and hard work, vs. rejection by the larger group, tiredness and frustration. The work and the results were so promising, though. Like, it puts the night into perspective. That was our first run, and if we keep this up, we could be great. We could be really good. And we had such fun, and made lovely sound. We had our moments. As a whole, although I went home just bone-tired and a little sad, the whole thing was worth it, and I'll do it again and again.
Although Lauren, Adrian and I may need to practice more than the others, because unlike them, we never have to sing together, and our sounds were not blending the way they ought to. Truth be told, when we played back the recording, the altos did sound fine, but when we were actually singing I could tell it wasn't comfortable. For finnicky me, anyway. Our three voices sound nothing alike, and it made it really hard to lock in. Whatever, we have time to figure this out.

Today has been dumb. I was supposed to do work today, but I've been so tired from this week that all I've really done today is eat and sleep. I've even been eating terribly cliche unhealthy foods, such as pizza for lunch and ice cream for snack. I'm terrible and I feel terrible but I just don't have the mind, heart, or energy to do anything about it.

I think for the rest of the day, if I don't solve the writer's block for the scholarship essay, I'm just gonna keep doing my AP, the one that was due last Monday. I hope he accepts it. Whatever. Ugh.