This is rough.

I thought I would've talked to you today. I approached you, I played it in my head, I had the words. But I just couldn't say anything. I'm blowing this way out of proportion.
It's just......I stepped through the door. That's what really pisses me off. I completely, knowingly, stepped over the line. And it's hard to go back from that, and even if you can, you know where you've been, and where you've failed.

Maybe this is me telling me, it's better to move forward? Or that it's the only way to go?


"If that means there's not a place in my life for you, or someone like you, is it sad? Sure. But it's a sadness I chose."

If only I could face it. But I don't want to choose this sadness, I still want you in my life. Just not like this. This isn't fair.



But hey. What about that awesome feeling when you realize something in your life is right?
Something new, or different, that actually makes you happy, in spite of yourself?

When you've had a day of discomfort--you're ill, you're starting your period, you're dehydrated and sleep-deprived, you aren't breathing properly, your math test was brutal, you're not where you want to be in your work, deadlines are approaching and you're losing your mind...

When you've had a day of disappointment after disappointment, and you think......."You know what I can look forward to? My nightly skype call with a friend."
And then it happens......and not 20 minutes into it, he has to go for the night.

You would think it would crush you. But the truth is it doesn't matter because you still got to see him, and he still got to see you, and you both still got to see how happy you make each other just for Being Alive.
It wasn't a disappointment that he had to go. I'll see him tomorrow. It was just the highlight of my day, to talk to him at all.


Song of the night: "We Will Rock You", by Queen. xD


On the bright side, it makes it easier for me to go to bed on time, anyway. We won't have to go through excruciating goodbyes hours earlier than usual. Those never work. This is much more convenient.

Hardcore study time, then hopefully a good night's sleep.
Tonight is turning out just fine.