My paper's going kind of well, let me just take a break and blog a bit.

Dear Rachel,
Whenever good stuff happens, like when life looks bright, I think of you, and I guess I kind of attribute it to you. You've always kept me safe, sane, and close. I know, I drift a lot, but you reel me back into reality and into the bright side of things. You're really a blessing in my life, and I love you.
Btw, Grace and I were talking about getting together with you sometime. There's this hilarious TV show we both used to watch, and we were like "WE SHOULD MARATHON THIS." It won't be too soon, since she's just finishing Grease and we've got all these performances and end of the year stuff boiling down, but whenever the time comes, hope you're ready! ;D

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Suddenly having a boyfriend is always the trump card of distraction. You don't even have to be talking to him or with him to be completely distracted by him.
But I'm not letting myself get away with this, I can't get too excited or addicted. I need to savor it, I know, I'm taking it slow.

I don't even know what to say about him. I really just wanted to talk about him. He's always somewhere on my mind. He makes me laugh...a lot. Without being embarrassing. It's really amazing. He's dorky, and charming, and has the ability to be romantic but doesn't overdo it. He's open about his feelings and himself without being overwhelming. It's never awkward to talk to him, except when it's funny or intentional. The only boys I can think of around whom I'm ever this comfortable are Jon, Abel, and my brother...all of whom are pretty much if not actually family.

I love the outrageously corny jokes, puns and word plays he makes. I love the fact that we actually like/love/obsess about a lot of the same stuff--and we didn't even know it! I love that his parents like me, as though they know me. (Btw, Mr. Schaub > grilled cheese. You have no idea.) I love the way we interact, when he throws out his absurd what-ifs and I humor him with why they can or can't work, and he doesn't get mad when I disprove what he says, but instead builds on it and we create these ridiculous scenarios that couldn't possibly happen--but could they? I love the way he tells stories, and the cadence of his voice. I am endlessly entertained by how excited he is to "be a man"--being over 6ft tall, his voice dropping, being able to drive, having a girlfriend. I loved the first time he referred to me as his girlfriend. And that time he said, "That's my girl." And the way he says "darling", which is somehow not as corny or cartoonish as one would expect. It's actually...it's nice. Really.

I just love him. He makes me incredibly happy, happier than I'd ever given him credit for before.

I can't say I wish this had happened sooner, even though I know it could have, if either of us had said anything. I just feel like, now is finally the right time. Like I'm doing something right.
And it is right, and it's real, and it matters.