Surely I must have some sort of emotional amnesia.

A few days ago, and for several consecutive days, I was crying in the bathroom, crying in a practice room, crying just outside the cafeteria, crying in my sleep and in my dreams, thinking, believing, that nothing I could do, nothing I knew or loved, could possibly be worth the way that I felt.

Last night I went on a big ol' spiel about being depressed, or manically depressed.
This morning, I woke up neutrally. I didn't feel like getting out of bed, as I hadn't for a couple weeks, but today I had no motivation to keep myself in bed, so I got myself up, on time. Went to school. Brought a thermos of coffee. And just lived life.

I was breathing and functioning. I was stressing out about my math test. I was telling jokes and laughing.
Actually, I laughed a lot today. I laughed really hard.
And I left school early. I didn't go to the music room to chill out--what usually calms my nerves felt like a waste of time. I had too much to do. I drove myself home.

My mom was home. She bought me some snacks. I ate and watched TV. Whatever talk show was on, I don't even remember. And then I sat down and did homework and got distracted and of course lost myself somewhere in the process.

But the point is, I feel fine. I don't feel much at all. I'm okay.

And the truth is, I wouldn't mind feeling like this all the time. So easy. Nice.