bullshit, all of it.

Clara and Michael are my friends. I'm not willing to let that go just because we're not "together".

Fuck Julian. I will always be attracted to him. I refuse to be around him enough to consistently loathe him, as easy as that would be. I want to remember him by all his attributes that I admired or loved, and even the characteristics that irked me, or made me wince. The things that made him Julian, in my mind.
I don't really care to remember anything else, or pursue any new memories.
Now, I don't know how long that resolution will last; if history serves as any indication, I obviously find him irresistible. But any sort of long term future with him is clearly--as it has been--out of the question.

Most likely, Abel don't give shit about me. So. Yeah.
He was actually supposed to come over today, with his sister and Parker. From Jacksonville. But he stayed behind. Ugh. I wasn't originally expecting him, but since last night when they said he was coming, I was...so excited. And nervous. It was actually pretty embarrassing. And then...he didn't come. And I was all the more disappointed. I was actually legitimately upset. I told Meghon, and Abby, and Parker. I just complained. I couldn't hold it in.
And you know what? I hope he does feel bad.
Maybe, if he actually likes me even a little, he might try to make it up to me somehow. The thing is, I know he probably won't. But that's fine, too. At least I'll know.

Why can't I just stick to my original plan of remaining single until college, and maybe even beyond?
I feel like that's the most stable, and smartest plan.